The Annointed Fig

The food around here really blows!

Otherwise,  cannibals would be the most humane lifeform on Earth, and we’d all be blowfish.  Well, at least, some of us.  And these 7 here, having enjoyed blowfish testicles prepared by an unlicensed chief, are already feeling largely at sea in the comfort of their hospital rooms.  Rushed to the ER with limb paralysis and difficulty breathing, they undoubtedly could do with some TLC — and perhaps, a transplant of a less epicurean bone.  But that’s between them and their hibachi chefs.

Now, I know cultures in different parts of the world don’t always agree on what’s yummy.  Travel Channel’s Andrew Zimmern made a career out of sampling wares liable to turn stomachs of those, dependably cringing during the Fear Factor gags.

Chinese enjoy rotten chicken eggs, British love their gull cousins fresh and poached, Amazon delta Native Americans consider raw turtle ones the stuff culinary dreams are made of, Russians dig caviar, Americans chow down barbecue, Koreans cook dogs, and housewives in certain African tribes whip out a mean beer variant chewing up and spitting sorghum to go with their honey-fried locusts.  Which is all well and good.  I would even try turtle eggs, though I might draw a line at a Korean “hot dog”.

That said, can anyone tell me what’s to be gained from kicking your own bucket with a blowfish?  Is a meal that much more enjoyable with 911 on speed dial?  Late and eating on the run, how could I truly do justice to a bonafide brush with the Great Beyond?  And all dressed up for a leisurely supper, I would rather not worry about finishing a day in a lonely hospital bed instead of my own (along with my date all charged up after our spread of oysters, spices, chocolate, and a helping of wine — but not too much, lest it has an opposite effect).

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