The Annointed Fig

No, seriously? Can I get a side of crab sticks, small Coke, and this here blond, that one, with a mole over her upper lip?

Oh, all right, I am sort of kidding – but only because I am nowhere near the Berlin’s “Pussy Club”, a venerable German establishment employing 3o permanent sex workers.

Don't be a boob! Those deep discounts are going, going...gone!

Germany is one of the few counties in the world where prostitution, advertising thereof, AND pimping are totally legal.  Its compatriots in regulated sex are Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, Hungary, Greece, Turkey, parts of Australia, and the U.S. state of Nevada.  To wit, in Luxembourg, Latvia, Denmark, Belgium and Finland, prostitution itself is legal, but brothels and pimping are not.

Considering German ladies and gentlemen of the night (or day, whatever strikes your fancy) are, as of 2002, eligible for health insurance AND bennies, you’d would think the sex workers there have it golden.  Alas, we’re in the middle of a global depression.

Cars are not getting sold, Borders is in its death throes, Circuit City is the thing of the past — and without a cent of governmental stimulus packages heading its ways, the oldest profession in the world is one of those carrying the brunt of the economic slowdown.

But whatever the job description, people in need are nothing if not inventive.  Hence, the 70 euro all you can eat, drink, and…erm, you KNOW on the table at the Pussy Club between 10 AM and 4 PM.  Which, the manager Stefan says, is helping to keep all the ladies employed full time.

And Stefan isn’t the industry’s only innovator.  There are group sex specials, discounts for seniors — and golfers.  No, I really have no idea how golf comes into play, but nonetheless, apparently, these folks come off as a plump collective cash cow.  Same, incidentally, goes for taxi drivers.

What can I say?  Better everyone takes advantage of the governments looking the other way while the girls are forced into the unconsiousnably deep discounts.  If the plans floated by the G20 prove the answer to the world’s prayers, I can see the rates once again heading the way of a septugenarian’s business end once he scores a hit of Viagra.

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