Because a few hundred miles away in a city that is never quiet — where the wheeling and the dealing are known to go long LONG into the night, and the paperwork keeps churning like butter — the noise pollution was such that day, it resonated in Louisville, and L.A., and Berlin, and even Kenya — whose native grandson has just put down his fork after his triumphant and very public first official luncheon.

Damn straight, sparky!

Before which came the equally triumphant Inaugural speech.

Now, I am sure there have been better speeches.  There might be better ones on all those January 20ths to come.

But for me, it was this speech that struck…something.  Something that gave me the nudge I needed to decide to reach for the stars.  Which we all needed to do, caught in the double helix of global recession and unrest.

I am a writer, but before that day…no, not that I was content to hold on to my day job.  It is more, I knew what I was doing, and, depending on whom you ask, the comfort of utter surety as to what tomorrow will bring is the prize all its own.

So, I kept polishing my book, and amassing suggestions, and reviews, and cautiously treading the water — and waiting.  In retrospect, I had been waiting for our new President’s Inauguration Day.

Apparently, I needed him to tell me to get off my ass and do something.  And if that something involved getting myself out there, well, hello world, The Annointed Fig: Metamorphoses is born!

But that wasn’t enough, not after that speech.  So, I decided to really take the bull by the horns — which, among other things, meant going and actually vying for a screenwriter-ship at one promising new venture, to which I had previously signed up, but had been too busy — and too chicken — to participate in.  And, so I used to tell myself, too realistic.

With zero screenwriting experience to my name, which I have since come to understand is an entirely different kettle of fish from prose, what in the world possessed me to think I was going to win a show-writer’s gig?  Why, President Obama, of course!

So, Mr. Antony van Zyl, the fearless leader and the mastermind behind Lombardi Street, that promising new venture that now has me haunting its site, has only his own former neighbor to blame for practically siccing me on him.

Because Lombardi Street, just like President Obama’s message, is addictive.  In our jaded day and age, the true promise of change, of revolution, is something as rare as the glimpse of an albino elephant.  And Lombardi Street, in a nutshell a full-length serialized college-based drama intended to run on both regular TV and the net (including video sites, blogs, and virtual worlds like Second Life), serves up said revolution in spades with its unique approach to scripted reality — a merging between fictional lives of those hailing from the all too real Happy Camp, CA; Lowell, MA; Midland, TX, San Francisco; Bemidji, MN and those of us actually living in, coming to, escaping these places.

Recently taken to welcoming the unwary with an offered selection of…you guessed it, the Beatles “Revolution” blaring off its front page — no, you don’t HAVE to listen — the L-Street actively practices what it has began to preach in early January.

It throws open the hallowed Hollywood doors to anyone smart and talented and determined enough to enter, and it does so through a series of contests or tasks the entrants are invited to participate in.  After all, shouldn’t there be tangible proof that you are not just wanting to reap the benefits, you YOURSELF are ready to be a part of the revolution?

In my particular case, it had been writing, as it has been for many.  Making a living AND showing off before the adoring public, we writers are not much different from artists, actors, graphic designers.  Of whom there are also hundreds on the site; we’re a multinational, multitalented, multidimensional Hydra.

Farm girls from Iowa set on becoming the next Meryl Streep; skit writers from Sweden inspired to create their answer to the SNL; dedicated community organizers staying up into the wee hours of the morning to help everyone from across the globe settle in, answer questions; talented grad students from India wanting a break; fantastic indie directors bringing their prize-winning expertise to bear teaching and writing; guerrilla advertising professionals promoting something they actually believe in instead of whoring themselves out to their highest bidder; hairstylists giving songwriting a chance; animal trainers giving assistant directorship a stab; even a billionaire tempted to try out for our ambitious marketing campaign.

"Never Follow the Straight and Narrow"

We’re all here, and we are building something great, something we see taking shape before our very eyes, something we can take pride in not for just an eventual payoff (which, let’s face it, who would say no to?), but because it is heck of a lot more ours than anything we join that is already so entrenched, that it has forgotten its roots.

As a friend I met through Lombardi Street has said, the entire concept is practically everyone’s unrealized dream.  Yes, it may sound too good to be true, but didn’t President Obama’s message do so when he started running?

He felt he needed to revolutionize the election, the country, the whole shebang.  Lombardi is fighting tooth and nail to accomplish the very same for the insular world of entertainment.

No need for studio heads, managers, underhanded distribution deals, that fabled Hollywood meritocracy that has been a pipe dream of many — who ended up settling into becoming teachers, scientists, programmers, housewives, bankers, firefighters, doctors.  Great things all to have done with a life, but for those of us wanting our chance at a place, in whatever capacity, in the light of the tungsten lamps?  Ultimately unfulfilling.

And it is powered by those of us who have chosen to take the reins into our own hands, those that Lombardi Street is rushing towards filming its pilot.  Slated to start airing September 23, 2009, the show is finally taking shape, and based on the cautious response, we are doing quite a few things right.

Lombardi will entertain, it will hopefully engross, it will employ dozens of people, it will introduce new directions in pull- and cause-based advertising to replace the invasive traditional means — and it will unequivocally demonstrate the validity of Mr. Obama’s message.

In a truly democratic society such as the one Mr. Van Zyl envisioned, spurred, no doubt, by example of the former Senator from his home state of Illinois, if you get off your ass, you CAN make something of yourself.  Even if that something happens to be in politics — or filmmaking, the mediums so often associated with the very worst excesses of cronyism and the dreaded casting couch.  Who knows, you might even change the world in the process!

• Flying the Unfriendly Skies I remember 9/11. [/caption] I was ready to step out to go to school / work -- I was in grad school, and it was my first semester as a TA.  Insert me all being puffed up and leave it at that. But my inner glow dimmed that day.  The......
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The none too shabby runner up hails from my hometown, Louisville, Kentucky and lives at  21c Museum Hotel, a 91-room first of its kind hotel dedicated to world-class luxuries, Southern-style hospitality and contemporary art from living artists. The hotel features a 9,000 square foot contemporary art museum funded and managed by the International Contemporary Art Foundation.  In keeping with the hotel itself, the men’s bathroom features one-way mirrors facing urinals and futuristic LCD screens with traveling images of eyes built into mirror above the sinks.  Far out!

Both # 3 and # 4 come from Illinois, Rockford’s upstaging its more metropolitan neighbor Chicago.

Brio’s restrooms at Rockford are best enjoyed by the hermaphrodites among us.  Heaven-themed for women and Hell- for men, they use a variety of materials and mood lighting for quite a psychedelic effect.  Obviously, they are best appreciated as a pair, but I am not sure casual onlookers of the opposite gender are entirely welcome.  Then again, what do I know?

Overlooking Chicago’s famous skyline, Signature Room at the 95th has its famous views extending to its bathroom.  The gorgeous custom woodwork reminescent of the log cabin style, silver accents, and black and white photos from the 1930′s finish the job propelling it to its lofty #4 slot.

And rounding off the top 5 is the hand-painted water-themed refuge that truly gives a meaning to the word “restroom”.  Inspired by John Michael Kohlers Arts Center in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, this functional beauty gracing the newly expanded Smith College Museum of Art in Northampton, Massachusetts features etched glass panels portraying exotic sea creatures and plant life in delicate grays, blues, blacks, and whites.

Not your slovenly Uncle Ben’s johns, are these?  So, yeah, gotta get my mind out of the gutter!

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Can I join?

Well, if you ask HotChick co-founders Jason Burinescu and Amit Krispin, two self-styled “regular guys in their 20′s and 30′s”, frustrated with not knowing how to handle every situation”, yes, there is.  Honey, Dad, taking notes?  I was.

How did this whole thing start? You don’t look like someone who’d need a lot of help picking up “hot chicks”.  Why would this concept even occur to you?

Hmm, thanks.  But we hardly know everything, and we really wanted to improve that area of our lives.  We talked to our friends, and turns out, everyone was sick of getting bad advice.  There’s a guy who might do well picking up girls, and another who does well in relationships.  Unfortunately, it’s very rarely you get someone who can bridge that gap between the two.

And, oftentimes, when we asked the women that we liked, they were not really getting everything they needed, which, obviously didn’t work out too well for us or any of our friends.  So, we wanted to find ourselves some girls would give us a real no-nonsense pragmatic advice that would generate results – and in turn, give the women results they were looking for.

Isn’t it a little shortsighted, having a random woman give input on how to get and keep any number of other girls?  What I am saying is, aren’t we, chicks, sufficiently different from one another that any off-the-cuff advice would really just be a shot in the dark?

Well, for one thing, we cast a very wide net.  We interviewed over 1,000 girls.  We were looking to cover different socioeconomic backgrounds, cultures, interests, ages, so, there would be something for everybody on the site, some sort of common ground.  Ideally, when you go onto the site, you’d find a girl who’d reflect the values, the personality type of the girl you’re currently pursuing or dating.  And then, you’d just follow this girl’s advice.

It’s exactly like you said, everybody is different.  But especially in longterm relationships, there are problems occurring over and over again: a lack of communication, inability to read signals or flirt, not knowing how to focus your entire attention on a girl, to whom you’re currently talking, bedroom questions.

You certainly practice what you preach.  I know your ladies range from students to professionals to Maxim models to dancers.  How did you get these girls?  Did you approach them?  Or have they come seeking you out?

We placed the ads in a few different publications.  And we scouted the country.  We were really proactive getting these girls.  But amazingly, how many of them actually wanted to get involved.

The requirements were pretty stringent.  We wanted girls who were pretty personable, charismatic, intelligent.  And, also, possessing of a lot, a lot of information, experience on how to approach dating, relationships, and so on.

The interviews are very, very candid, and a lot of times, people don’t want to air their dirty laundry.  But that’s what we were looking for — to give you a real hard truth.  Our girls will give you what you need to know, whether you like it or not.

Well, that’s obviously commendable.  But let’s talk numbers.  How fast are you growing?

We only went live a few days ago, and already, we have over 600 members.  Additionally, we have around a 1,000 subscribers on YouTube.

Which, I am sure, can only increase if you feature any celebrity ladies?  Or are you concentrating on more approachable everyday “hot chicks”?

We are in talks with some people, we’re very interested in that, but at this point no one is 100% confirmed, so we are not going to mention anyone by name.

[They don't kiss and tell, do they?  OK.  That nicely brought me to another question.]

Is there any stigma involved — in the overall look of the site?  Certain ladies, some would say, are rather scantily dressed.  I suppose it is to emphasize their hot-chick status, but has anyone commented on the setup being sleazy, uncomfortable to participate in?  Or is the opposite true?

None of the women had ever had a problem with that.  Or the users.  In fact, if there’s a little bit of stigma attached, it’s with the self-help and personal development aspect of it.  But because these are very attractive women, not someone setting you up with a doctor’s bill, and there always being folks out there needing help, we wanted to reach a very broad spectrum.  These women are first, appealing, and they are honest, and so, it will just hit people, OK, this information is amazing, it’s exactly what I am looking for.  It will help me improve my life.

Which all of us can use.  So, do you see yourself ever expanding into hot guys, other orientations, languages?

Absolutely.  We’re looking at this as just a beginning.  We’re going to be utilizing all the interactivity of the web, the attention of the media, that sort of thing, to really build this into an entity with global socioeconomic, religious, sexual orientation reach.  Actually [adds the less voluble partner of the two], we are currently in talks with producers from four different countries, so, absolutely, we are branching out!

All of it relationship-oriented?  Which is all well and good, but do you see the self-help being related to other spheres of interest?  How about friendships, getting a job — which is especially pertinent in this economic climate?

Well, what’s interesting is that a lot of what we’re teaching crosses over.  Self-confidence, personal development, you always need that.  How you carry yourself, how you present yourself, it’s going to translate in how easily you can get a job, how you interact with people.

But we, also, have experts on that, on each specific area, which we’re looking to build on.

[Very, very ambitious.  Immediately, I could see a problem with that.  If they become as popular as they intend to be, they would be inundated with requests.]

OK, guys, so, how do you choose which questions get answered?  Or are you going to try and answer all of them?

Of the ones getting written-in?  Well, it’s unrealistic for our women to answer all of them.  We’re thankful that we’re getting such a strong response, but they would have to work night and day, even now.  What we’re doing is having the women answer those most broadly appealing, and then, down the line, we’ll roll out a premium service where you’re guaranteed to receive a response — for a fee.

And [added the more reticent partner] we would still choose the best questions to be answered anonymously on video, in front of the entire audience.

Well, that nicely took the wind out of my sails regarding the webcast question.  OK, do girls have input on what they want to answer?  Or do you assign questions to them?

Our thinking is our subscribers will address their questions to a specific girl.  They would check the introductory videos and choose whom it is they would rather answer their question.

On top of that, like we mentioned in passing, we have a couple of girls we’re calling our “hot chick experts”.  Now, they basically excel in certain categories: dating questions, issues in the bedroom, breaking down the approach on how to pick up girls.  Or she may be really good at issues like self-esteem and self-confidence.

Is it me, or is getting warm?

All right.  Last one, guys?  How do you keep the write-ins from turning into constant attempts at picking up chicks?  I am sure it can be uncomfortable for your ladies?  I am no hot chick, but I know it would be for me.

Fair enough.  We do get an occasional inappropriate question.  But, again, we pre-screen them, we know these girls are able to handle this.  And they know our first priority is to keep them safe and secure, so, none of their personal information, or where they live or anything like that is ever revealed.

____

At which point I went back to the drawing board — that is, trying to elucidate my men, they are not as infallible as they imagine.  If Jason and Amit are banking their financial futures on this very premise, which man — or woman, for that matter — is?

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Behold Dmitry Maximov, and no, I have NOT been retained to sing any paens in the man’s name.  It’s just that this Russian-born artist seems to exist in a world of his own.  And who among us doesn’t love a peepshow?

A passing glance at his works, and you can tell that they are at once as human — and humane — as you or ANYONE peeking in from the outside, yet altogether surreal.  That they are fashioning a land that is not so much a caricature of ours, but, perhaps, its shadow, a whisper of a possibility of what we could have been.  And, thankfully, are not.  More humane, perhaps, more painfully lonely, more different from one another in a way, we, who have our race around us, our country, our city, our family, our very culture, should ever fear to be.

But we can still speculate, and marvel, and worry — and drink it all in like the best, though none too sweet, champagne.

The artworks seem to have no names that I could find, so, I will just say that this one, over here, is the one that struck me the most.  This strange, gingerbread man critter is taking the time to appreciate the dawn of a new day.  Shouldn’t we?

Click here to visit Dmitriy Maximov’s gallery. And here are a few more of my favorites:

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Nope, didn’t have a ghost of Christmas future visit and tell me I am being a thorn in some universal toes.  But sometimes, there’s stuff you see and it’s…thought-provoking.  And when that happens, I guess there really isn’t a venue to get creative with digs.

Whaling Your Wintertime Blues

‘Cause, if you are anything like me, faced with a truly fine works of modern Native American artists, you had probably felt as if you had stepped into a world where nature and civilization, mundane and preternatural coalesce into a seamless, somewhat psychedelic whole.  The technique
is oftentimes fairly abstract bordering on impressionistic, though just as common is neosurrealism, every line drawn just so, every expression brought out into a nearly phantasmagoric relief.

And it works!  But to me, it is an unfettered, nearly childlike whimsy inherent in this first technique that truly captures the essence of Native American art.  And never is it so apparent as in the works of Joanne Swanson, an Alaskan native of the Inupiaq Eskimo descent.  Her paintings breathe life, and wild, politically incorrect beauty, and the exoticism so sadly missing for those of us firmly planted in this one, 21st century, world.  Which isn’t so bad.  I like TV, and the net, and, most importantly, indoor plumbing.  But looking at her works, it just isn’t altogether Joanne.

Like her Bowhead Whaling, dragging us kicking and screaming into a celebration, one, in the normal run of things we probably would never have joined on our own.  Slaugthering a whale?  A member of an endangered species?  Certainly not something we could admit getting behind of – and respect ourselves in the morning as enlightened Renaissance women or men.  But the Whaling, well, it depicts the world as it used to be, a harsh, touch-and-go place, in which collaboration, and tribal unity, and the skill with row and spear make all the difference between slow Cimmerian starvation and a mellow winter full of hot savory dishes and light from copious whale fat being burned.  Looked at it this way, a cause enough for brrr!, canonizing a hunter – and precisely what Native American paintings are all about, insidiously making us rethink the status quo.

• They Are Telling Us We Can't. We say, Just Ask Barack Obama! January 20th.  It was a quiet afternoon, as most afternoons in Louisville, KY are.  Of course, this one was special. Because a few hundred miles away in a city that is never quiet -- where the wheeling and the dealing are known to go long LONG into the night, and......
• Dmitriy Maximov: A Surreal Sunrise Another day, another positive review.  Like a kinder, gentler American Idol Season 8 Simon, I seem to be losing my touch, but oh well... Behold Dmitry Maximov, and no, I have NOT been retained to sing any paens in the man's name.  It's just that this Russian-born artist seems to......
• How to Get a Louse Out of Your Hair? See, I have this friend... Boy, after "it was a dark and stormy night", this has got to be the most overused line on the planet.  And nonetheless, there ARE stormy nights -- and there actually ARE genuine friends with genuine problems. [/caption] Like my friend, for instance, that I......
• Back to the Future My cat is 2.5 years old.  In cat years...let's round it to 20. Masha is a purebred.  Top of the line Traditional Siamese.  Seven generations of her ancestors have documented pedigrees.  Her mom's a breed standard, check the Wiki.  And no, this isn't a cat personals post -- though considering......
• A Giant Leap for Mankind February 13th, 2009. Circuit City is gone, heretofore invincible Starbucks is floundering in the stock markets, President Obama has just scored his first major victory in Congress -- and I have a blog. Who knew? Life does change, don't it? [/caption] But let's rewind back less than 2 years ago.......

• Chipping Away at Senior Discounts One of the benefits of being a baby boomer is that we know more than most of the younger people. OK - I take that statement back. The collapse of the housing and credit bubbles and our pathetic savings rates are evidence that many baby boomers didn't know much at......
• Pros And Cons Of Forex Magic Machines Everywhere you look on the internet today you will see the promos for the Forex robots. It is difficult to decide what is best for you. There are some important considerations to consider when choosing an automated trading robot in forex. What are Forex magic machines, you ask? These are......
• 5 Easy Ways to Improve Your Tennis Game While many people are under the impression that learning tennis is nearly impossible, there are actually quite a few incredibly easy tips that can drastically improve your game. While these tips may not turn you into a star over night or land you at Wimbledon, they will help solid players......
• Do You Have A Book Inside You Waiting To Come Out? It's amazing. I've been writing books for years, and selling them online for nearly 15 years, and previously only in print through selling foreign licenses, or printing them myself, advertising them, and selling them either online or in classes I taught. Now there is a better way. If you......
• Model Your Message AND Work For Change. This is a guest post from Zoe Weil, author of Most Good, Least Harm. For more information about Zoe, see the end of her post. We humans seem to have a penchant for either/or thinking. Maybe this is because so many things seem delineated as opposites: night and day, young......